God’s Caring Presence: Nurturing Families Through the Gift of Music

One of the great joys of being a professional or pastoral church musician is the opportunity to support and minister to the members of music ensembles and their families – and to many others in the greater congregation and community. Though much time is devoted to planning and preparing groups to lead in worship, we can also address other needs of individuals and families in such a way that music becomes a reflection of God’s nurturing presence.

Special Occasions and Life Experiences

Among the most obvious examples of this ministry of nurturing are special occasions and key life events – weddings, funerals, graduations, holidays, and other significant events. Providing music for the funeral of a loved one or guiding a couple in selecting music for their wedding ceremony often begins a relationship that lasts for years to come.

I recently attended a memorial service for the mother of a young boy in my children’s choir. A few days before the service, the pianist called to see if I would be there and if I would consider leading the hymn singing. The only music was to be some piano prelude selections and a couple of hymns to be sung by those gathered. It was a simple request that required very little of me, and since I was already planning to attend, I quickly agreed. Two hymns – and my attendance – it was such a small thing. And yet, for the family grieving the loss of their beloved mother, sister, and daughter, it was a precious gift.

Many years ago, a child in the middle grades youth choir I directed was killed in a tragic accident. He was much loved – a beautiful, delightful young man. The funeral was excruciating, with hundreds of heartbroken middle schoolers filling the pews of our church. Afterwards, I struggled with how to navigate the next rehearsal.

I decided that we should forego meeting at the church and enlisted a couple of drivers to transport the children to a local fast-food restaurant. My thought was that we could eat unhealthy food together and talk about all the things we loved about Will. As we were wrapping up, one of the youth choir members said she had not been to the gravesite. It was very close to the restaurant, and so we walked over to the cemetery together. The choir was small enough so that we could stand around the grave of their sweet friend. We spoke prayers of thanksgiving for Will’s too-short life, and then one of the students asked if we could sing a song. I honestly don’t recall which song they chose, but it was one of the anthems we had learned that year. That was a moment when God’s nurturing presence was so very real to each of us. This was one of those hard but good things that happen as we minister. I later wrote a note to Will’s mom describing this most unusual choir rehearsal. God also ministered to her and the family through this impromptu gathering.

Every song, hymn, or anthem we choose in special observances or weekly worship has the potential to speak God’s presence into the hearts and minds of those present. We may never know how these choices we make help to begin the healing process for hurting individuals and families. Music can truly reflect God’s nurturing presence.

I will bless the Lord at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth.
—Psalm 34:1

Opportunities for Family Music Making

Busy families may not see the value of music in the home, or they may not feel their efforts would be of any value. We can tell them how music draws people together – how music bridges generations through family worship together. Better yet, we can show them all this and more by incorporating multigenerational opportunities into worship and other church events. Here is a short list. And yes, I have done all of these!

• Select an anthem in a child-friendly range that can be taught to several choirs in your church – older elementary children, youth, adults, and senior adults. A nonseasonal praise anthem or a Christmas or Easter anthem would all work well. Assign a portion of the piece to children and/or youth alone and then gradually build until all the choirs are singing together. If there is an option to add the congregation at some point, include them. I especially love doing this with the church orchestra so the children get to have that experience. I have also combined youth with my older children, or all the children’s choirs singing together on one of their curriculum songs. In all these situations, it is wonderful to scan the faces and see family connections. And you know there’s some singing together in the car on the way home!
• One of my favorite things about our church orchestra is the breadth of age and experience within the group. There are high school students, late-in-life beginning students, semiprofessionals, and more – all playing side by side. Not long ago, we had a special string Sunday that included students from our performing arts school. One of the violinists from the orchestra – a highly skilled musician – was playing alongside his two elementary-age sons.
• Family Christmas caroling is a great option to draw the generations together, and it doesn’t require tons of planning. Select two or three carols and sing the same thing at every location. Through the years I have been part of groups including toddlers through the most senior church members.
• Hymn sings are quite popular with senior adults. Why not involve your children’s choirs? Teach one hymn each month. At the end of the year, have a spring hymn sing and invite all to sing along. You can even select the hymns you teach from among favorites suggested by the grandparents of the children. The hymns will become a part of each child’s inner music catalog to be drawn from year after year. This will also facilitate and foster possibilities for family hymn sings at home!

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.
—Colossians 3:16

Making music at church and at home is a way for young children to learn about God’s love through scripture, Bible stories, and the joy of singing. Starting in infancy and continuing throughout childhood and adolescence, we can help to build a strong spiritual as well as musical foundation in the lives of the children we encounter weekly. We can walk alongside families in both the good and the hard days of parenting. Look for every opportunity to be present in the milestones of their lives – music is God-ordained celebration!

The church is never so much the church as when all voices of every age are joined in worship and praise.

Let everything (and everyone!) that has breath praise the Lord!
—Psalm 150:6